14/04/26 20:30pm
April 14th and the sabbath is near
The ground is trembling
Weakened by the longest winter
These are the last steps
Of the frost giants as they leave
An April moon is rising as the trees turn to rust
Killing season comes in shades of gray
An April moon is rising as the spring turns to dust
We lie down to a howling sound
As the world is slowly coming down
Bless me, ghosts of winter
For you have made me stronger
To face this day and ever nights
Further north our paths will go
South is burning, east is vast
West is dying fast
But as I leave
My heart holds no fear
I know there's nothing from here
An April moon is rising as the trees turn to rust
Killing season comes in shades of gray
An April moon is rising as the spring turns to dust
We lie down to a howling sound
On the altar of endless snow
On a deep glacier's glow
We prepare our graves
Here under the north star I will sleep away
To the deep hum of your icy womb
April 14th, and death is here
The tide has finally turned
The ground is trembling
Weakened by the longest winter
These are the last steps
Of the frost giants as they leave
But my heart holds no fear
For I know there's nothing from here
(i'm okay guys lol I've been waiting to post this for over 2 months. it's a song I found myself listening to a lot during a really awful and scary time where I was faced with psychological, emotional, and physiological terrors I had never experienced before and had previously never thought possible. this song was a comfort to me during that time. i have recovered significantly from that episode since then, but because it was only 2 months ago, its influence on my life still lingers.
I'm pretty sure this song was written in dedication to Peter Steele, who died on the 14th of April 2010.
11/04/26 01:34am
I've spent this whole easter break working on my fursuit head :P it's currently at that super awkward phase where it doesn't have fur but it does have lining. The main lining is lycra; sewing it was a woeful experience because it's a stretch fabric, but I conquered it in the end. I also lined the inside of the mouth today, which is a super soft cuddle fleece fabric :3 my next steps will be patterning the fur on the face! It's a slow and laborious process, but I'm loving it! It feels awesome to finally be using my sewing machine again after so many years. I was surprised it was even still in the house, but my mum kept it because she had a gut feeling I'd want to use it again one day. It was a combination of my past school teachers and my own self doubt that made me write the machine off, but the truth of the matter is, you will suck at something the first few times. That's why practice is important! (
I feel so enriched and I really, really love making things with my hands. I can't emphasise just how much I missed it. I've been kinda dreading going back to uni for the final stretch and havin to spend every hour of the day at a computer again, but it has to be done. Only 10 more weeks for me, and then that's it O_o I have to get back into the swing of managing my team again, which I'm honestly kinda excited about. I'm making a little presentation briefing to show them so we all know where we're at and stuff :)
I'm going to be in London with my mum from 11am to 10pm tomorrow (technically today because it's past midnight) and it's gnna be my first time seeing two shows in one day! My mum does it pretty often because she gets press invites to musicals and plays so she can review them, but this time around she just wants to hang out with me :D I need to go to sleep so I won't be completely dead tomorrow... London requires a LOT of energy and willpower for me to not get overwhelmed. I always bring noise cancelling headphones, painkillers just in case I get a migraine (a lot of different things trigger them for me but sensory overload is one of them :/) and also sunglasses to eliminate unwanted visual sensory input! I am very sensitive to light and visual noise. I got some new sunglasses recently and they fit my face rlly well so at least I'll look cool when I'm defending my senses from the onslaught that is London ;D
it'll just be nice to spend the whole day with my mum one more time before i go back to uni for the final FINAL stretch... I got to see my extended family on easter sunday and that was really nice!! ok i actually really need to sleep now lol peace out
29/03/26 18:09pm
I'm going back to my mum's house tomorrow for 2 weeks. I miss her and my family a lot and it'll be nice to see them again. I've been going in and out of periods of feeling extremely driven and inspired, to just feeling completely exhausted. All I've managed to do today is a teeeny little bit of drawing and a few pages of reading. The rest of my activity has involved my 3DS. Why do I feel so guilty for trying to play something that is comforting to me? Why do I feel so wrong for not being productive today, despite it being a Sunday during my easter break, despite the fact I have spent every day of this week doing hours of work? I think the answer lies somewhere between 'I never feel like I'm doing enough' and 'I think I'm going through somewhat of a quarter-life crisis at the moment'. Graduation is a few months away, and that's terrifying... But I'm also so excited about what will be coming up afterwards.
21/03/26 23:07pm
Hi!! I haven't written here in almost ten days; things have been a complete whirlwind with the end of the winter/spring term at my uni. I'm actually going to write about how yesterday went because it was such an eventful day and a great last day of term :3c for reference, yesterday was Friday 20th of March 2026.
The morning was HECTIC. We had something called a 'film review' which is when all the production teams on my course present the current progress of the animated grad films we're working on. Unfortunately, at the same time, I was trying to uncover what had happened to my headphones which I had left at the gym 2 days prior. The day before, I called them and they said they couldn't find anything in lost property. So this morning I asked them if they could check their CCTV cameras. I was under the impression that my headphones had been stolen, and I was really stressed out about getting them back. Once I had finished talking to the staff, I had 30 minutes left until I was due to be on the stage to show my coursemates the presentation I made and the current state of our. However, I got a message from one of my team members that we were due to go up in two minutes, because everything was way ahead of schedule. Despite the fact that the venue for this presentation is only a 4 minute walk from where I live, there was not enough time to get ready. So I thought fuck it. I asked them to tell everyone why I'm not there.
Shortly after, it was time for the group photography that I had organised, and was also late to. I ran to the venue and my team was already on the stage having their photos taken. I awkwardly posed with them, and I can happily say we got some really nice photos! I'm not sure which one we're going to send to the yearbook committee; it'll be shown in a brochure at a huge film festival later this year, so they better get my good side :p
After that, my team and I went outside to take photos on an Instax Mini, this time for fun. The weather was amazing and it was the hottest it's been all year so far. We went to the bench in the nearby cemetary (ignore all your preconceptions, the location looked GORGEOUS with this much light shining on it) and we took sooo many cute pictures :3
Later on, I went to the beach with some of my team members and another friend. It was really relaxing and lovely ^^ Before I actually met up with them, I bought myself a new book because I've finished the one I was reading previously. A photography teacher also approached me and asked to take some photos of me. There were a LOT of photos taken today lol. :p Anyway, at the beach I got to know one of my coursemates a little better, and it was really nice just siting on the sand and chatting. We ended up leaving together, talking more on the bus journey back home.
That evening, my bro who lives upstairs (hiii if ur reading this lol) invited me over to watch Louis Theroux's manosphere documentary, order sushi and froyo, and get really stoned. I was up there IMMEDIATELY. By the way, if you haven't seen the documentary yet, it's brilliant. After that, we watched this 2010s-era cgi dinosaur documentary and I discovered how insanely cool the Spinosaurus is. I didn't make it to the end because I was so tired. I slept VERY well that night.
As for today, I've spent the entire day deep cleaning my flat from top to bottom. Including under my bed. It was an interesting experience. I'm kinda simultaneously tired and wired right now. Overall, I'm so happy Easter break is here. The burnout has been strong lmao. I'm gnna take a whole week off from doing work and the I'll slowly ease it back into my life :)) anyway... peace outttt
12/03/26 13:20pm
I have two people following me on here? :D that's awesum... I feel really flattered that you saw my page and liked it enough that you wanted to follow! There's so much I want to add to it... I have MANY plans. Updates are pretty slow because my life is consumed by final animation uni projects right now, but thank you for stopping by!
Thursday is my favourite day of the week at the moment cuz there's draw and paint club at 5:30 to 7:30, and then The Apprentice at 9! Yay, I love my overproduced reality show slop!!
Yesterday I spent hours and hours carving foam with a tiny pair of school scissors (you know the ones... they have the small plastic handles) and I ended up with a blister on my right middle finger. Why am I carving foam, you ask? Well... The namesake of this website, my online alias, and the mascot you see on my splash page - that's Scooty, and I am making a fursuit head of him. I only get one day a week for it because the rest of the days are meant to be dedicated to production of our animated grad films in time. But I'm happy to take my time with it. I really don't want to rush it and for it to look terrible, especially considering the amount I spent on shipping the fur from America to here (the south of England). It was a lot. Lolllll
ok im gunna slave away at my work now baiiii
15:55pm
GUYS MY MUM SAT IN AN ONLINE QUEUE FOR 4 HOURS AND SOMEHOW GOT TICKETS FOR HAMILTON W/ LESLIE ODOM JR AS BURR... The original Aaron Burr from the OG cast recording!!!!! She said it's my graduation present ;w; I really shouldn't brag online but this is so so exciting for me I have so much adrenaline going through me right now HELPP... augghh.. I love my mum so muchh I love sharing her love for musicals
10/03/26 08:25am
Waking up has been a lot easier the past few days! I'm making myself some "morning berry" tea right now. I have SO much tea in my cupboards, and yet I barely drink it. I think I get stuck in this paralysis of "I'll do the thing when it's the perfect moment". There will never be an ideal moment to do something nice for yourself - you need to just do it. The perfect time is NOW. Et cetera.
I get this conundrum a lot with starting creative projects, but I've been getting a lot better at just going for it. On my desk, I currently have an extremely dodgy bucket-head base that I put together two days ago. This is the foundation of what my fursuit head will eventually become! I didn't have 1/2 inch foam (half inch is highly recommended over one inch, so you can breathe easier and be less likely to suffocate wearing the head) so I got my sheet of 1 inch foam and jankily cut it with my "bread knife" (I put that in quotations because it's an utterly awful knife and barely even works). But it worked surprisingly well! I've been thinking of making a page for documenting my fursuit-making process, even throughout the problems that arise. It'll be good to show and tell as it's going, instead of hiding in the shadows until I reveal the finished product, which is unfortunately how I've usually gone about things.
06/03/26 18:31pm
My mum randomly sent me some things in the post, namely some of my favourite snacks and toilet paper n other necessities ;_; she's done this a few times and it'll always be when I'm approaching a deadline... I love her so much bleeuhyughghg I can't wait to see her again so I can give her a million trillion hugs :'3
Also, yesterday on The Apprentice (British reality tv slop which I religiously watch every year) there was a TRIPLE FIRING!!! I've seen quite a few doubles but never a triple, and I've been watching since 2017 lololol... I rlly want Dan to win - he has a company that helps students, graduates and young people with employment and apprenticeships n stuff. Something that would grow much bigger and help many more people if he won. anyway HAPPY FURSUIT FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!! I wanna continue working on a new page here, but I have to get back to the uni grind. Byeeee
01/03/26 17:35pm
Nina is here!!! Just dropped a plate and it smashed on the floor next to her (she is barefoot) loll. Now she is eating pizza from Sainsburys :)) we are both really tired but I'm so glad she's here
27/02/26 20:24pm
This week has been fun! It's also been... Interesting? But not in a bad way. It's certainly been tiring and kinda strange in some ways, but I think that is a good thing. My dreams have been particularly vivid recently. Some make me feel really weird when I wake up, and so I'll go back to sleep because I don't want to face the emotions that are clearly trying to process in the back of my mind. I'm just glad they're processing.
I have noticed I am holding significantly more stress than I would like. I have a position of responsibility, leading a team and delivering this film, as well as another personal module at uni. This would be fine if I lived to work, didn't have chronic pain and didn't have any hobbies, but unfortunately I am always fatigued and have no time to do things for fun. I am counting down the weeks until this is all over. Don't get me wrong, I am really enjoying my time here, and I know I'll look back on it very fondly! But I am looking forward to graduating and moving out of here. I cannot wait to be able to draw for myself again, to sew things for fun, and to see my best friend more than three times a year. I miss her so much my heart aches. It was her birthday yesterday and she's coming over at the weekend dfhgrbhh I'm so excited to make her feel special.
Nina, if you're reading this... I love you so much :')))
25/02/26 09:48am
Day 2 of being on set :P In the green room rn and will be waiting for an unknown amount of time. I'm so sleepy augghh. I've been told we'll be done by midday. In the meantime, I will be doin more uni work on this laptop. I'll update later with how my day goes.
13:16pm
When we were called in, the first AD (assistant director) hastily announced that there was only 10 minutes left to shoot the scene. It ended up taking more like 25 minutes and I couldn't help but find it hilarious watching the AD and the DoP (director of photography, who was up on a mezzanine with a big camera) get super stressed out and shout at eachother :P the AD was getting progressively more stressed about how behind schedule everyone was. The main actor was really professional and it was super kewl seeing him go into a perfect American accent and then back into his usual style of speaking. He's playing a talk show host guy (also can I just say. the costume design is VERY nice. woag. he looked rlly good......). Anyway, after take 3, the AD said "that's it. No more. We're done." and so me and the other extras got ready to leave, but then the actor asked the director and DoP up on the mezzanine if they actually got the shot they wanted, and they just shrugged. They then announced we would be doing ONE last take, to the AD's dismay. Luckily, the 4th and final take was the best one, and everyone was satisfied in the end.
I wish I could have stayed longer or been in more scenes. It was SO interesting watching how this all plays out, and I really relate to the whole team with the stress and hecticness of production :p. I'm really keen to see if I can be an extra in something in the future. My sister has been doing it for a decade, so who knows? I could ask her... hrmm..
now it is time for me to embark on a magical journey to The Range, where I will purchase upholstery foam of an adequate thickness.
24/02/26 21:31pm
Today I was an extra on one of the student films at my uni! It was a super fun and insightful experience and it felt so cool to be involved in a live-action film :D I am also working on a grad film, but it's animated, and while there are some very strong similarities between the production pipelines, live action films with real actors have SO much happening on set at any given time, it's crazy.
There was a lot of waiting around at first, but it was nice to chat to the other extras I'd be spending the day with. I already knew one of them, but the rest were a mishmash of some people from uni, and some randoms who found the calling on Facebook the night before lol. It was so coool
My role didn't involve any speaking or action, I literally just had to sit in a crowd and awkwardly react to the aftermath of a talk show that had gone very wrong. Also, the main character was played by a professional actor that the students hired with their fundraised money, and I thought that was pretty freakin epic ngl it would be awesome if the animation students like myself were allowed to fundraise so we can pay our composers and VAs properly -_- but oh well lol, UK universities are bankrupt af at the minute.
I'm going to scavenge for more random bits and pieces I can put on my splash page now!
p.s. I added a guestbook. Go and leave me a cute little message please I'll love you forever
22/02/26 14:19pm
I'm really enjoying goofing around with CSS and seeing my bare-bones webpages slowly change and improve! It's nice to take something really slowly. It's so much more rewarding to spend time solving a problem and finally getting that feeling of satisfaction after fixing something. I'm finding this really theraputic and a nice change of pace from the stuff I've been doing at uni. Alas, tomorrow is Monday and I will need to "lock the fuck in" as people say.
21/02/26 21:00pm
Today really sucked to the point where it was almost comedic. I had to travel 2 hours to pick up my meds; they weren't available anywhere else. I cried for a large portion of the bus journey (I'll spare you the details lol but i I've been going through it recently) and I listened to my favourite songs from Emerald Forest and the Blackbird (2012) by Swallow the Sun. that album is kinda an exploration of the transition between life and death.
Anyway i showed up to the pharmacy and they asked for ID (which i forgot to bring) and just instantly broke down sobbing. i went and sat down in the corner. i feel pretty bad for the 2 ladies at the desk because they were just trying to do their job. Luckily they let me use a photo of my ID, and i was able to get my medication. i wish i could apologise to them for breaking down crying
then i went to the john lewis cafe next door and had a bagel and a huge piece of cake lol
19/02/26 19:29pm
it's so loud in the studio, i get so startled... people laugh SO loudly. i'm glad they're having fun but aaaa i have autism
18/02/26 21:33pm
woohoo I've started my website! i've wanted to do this for so many years. when i was a kid (like 9 or 10) i made so many sites on webnode, and the now defunct webs dot com. that was back in like... 2011-2012 o_O. anywho, i am in my final year of a really insanely busy animation degree and i have almost no spare time, but i'm going to try and update this as much as I can! i can make it relevant by putting my art here and stuff. i need to put my laundry away now byeee